Dreams

    For as long as I can remember even as a child I always wanted to be many things, however there were a few things I always wanted more than any and dreamed of achieving one day;--the dreams of being a pin-up model, a dancer, rock star and even a porn star. Yes, even porn--I was always much different than most children and very aware of the world and myself, and especially human sexuality. While I didn't quite know exactly that porn did exist or what it was just yet I knew there had to be something like it, and if there wasn't I wanted to be a part of it one day when I got older.

    I was always fascinated with pin-up artwork as a child, art really in general and especially film. My Mother didn't put extreme restraints on me as most do because she knew I was a rather mature one and felt we needed to learn and make our own choices. That doesn't mean she let us watch everything necessarily, but more she would introduce us to things slowly as we got older or leave it up to us as to what we chose to watch. Everyone with in my family was very different in views of what children should watch, listen to with music, etc. My mother always pushed that we develop our own sense though, we be individuals and question everything in the world. We needed to find ourselves.; --I did just that, I was always questioning, and always curious, wanting to learn and know more. I watched a lot of film, and was fascinated by art, and of course within most art from any era there will be human figure, nudity, sexual themes and more, this includes film as well-all to varying levels but I didn't just see it as sex necessarily or something to giggle about, poke fun or otherwise. Truly I was fascinated by this, I found the human body something magickal and beautiful, it was many things--it was art, creation, humility, beauty, it was everything and anything including various forms of stimulation, especially to the mind, not just the body.

    I knew I was not meant for "regular" every day work, I was meant to do something more one way or another. It was my dream to do something artistic and meaningful, more to myself than anything, and perhaps the world. To change things some how and create myself, to ultimately turn myself into art in the end and share my story.